THE GIFT OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

I have a friend who recently and abruptly cut off all communication with me. We had been close friends since college. We haven't always seen eye to eye, she and I have always had very different ways of perceiving the world, but we valued our friendship. And because of that were committed to navigating through different perceptions and misunderstandings. 

At least that's what I had thought. In retrospect, I realize that I had never fully put that belief to the test. You see, I had not always been completely honest with her about how her communication style affected me - and I was afraid that if I disagreed with her, she might not want to be my friend.

But just as a caterpillar is destined to evolve into a butterfly, I could not stop the shift that was taking place within me. Anais Nin wrote, "...and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." It is indeed true that the day came when I knew I could no longer hold myself back from sharing my thoughts and feelings - even if it meant that she (and others in our circle that I love dearly) would either fall away, or go running as fast as they could, away from me. But the honest expression of my feelings had become a non-negotiable step in accessing my true self and authentic voice.

In a perfect world, friends are able to disagree without feeling estranged and annihilated by one another. We are able to give and receive critical feedback while still loving and feeling loved by one another. But as we are "perfectly imperfect", this lofty ideal can often be outrageously challenging to put into practice. When I allow others the space to share with me those places where I am falling short in their eyes, where I am not living up to their expectations, it is a real ego-buster - it is outrageously painful. It takes every strength I've got to sit there, calm and receptive, in the searing inferno of those reflections. And yet, while it has been the hardest test of friendship to receive such "constructive criticisms", I have come to see that it is through these reflections from my community that I am able to see more of my own blind spots and grow exponentially into the person I aspire to be. Friendship in its highest expression strives to be unconditional; to love, to listen, and to receive each others' personal truth - even when it does not match our own. (This ideal runs counter to our societal programming which teaches us that we will only be received and accepted if we behave within certain sets of conditions.) It is the greatest gift we can give to our beloveds: to hold a mirror and reflect back love; to see their highest even when it feels beyond our capacity to do so. If we can stand in the fire of not being seen and understood, and still feel love for ourselves and our friend, we begin to see the highest in ourselves and the world around us.

Another dear friend of mine called me on my birthday. As we tuned in with each other, I asked her about her life. She shared about how a friend is always angry with her, and she questioned as to whether or not she should end the relationship. I asked her, "are you able to remain neutral and stay in your heart when this person confronts you?" She laughed and said, "not always." "If not," I responded, "then this friendship is giving you the opportunity to hone your Jedi training." What better opportunity do we have to strengthen our capacity to LOVE, than those instances when we are confronted by what appears to be the opposite?

My heart aches and strives to become a person who is able to be unconditional love and compassion for those around me -- whether or not I agree with their behavior, or what they are saying to me, or about me. If I can do that, then I can truly begin to call myself a "Peace Maker." Until then, I have to thank my friends for giving me lots of opportunities to practice my peace-making skills. And while those moments can seem almost impossible to face, I am humbled when I reflect on how my own opportunities to practice unconditional love pale in comparison to what so many humans have had to face in their lifetime. I just read an <a title="article about a woman" href="http://www.npr.org/2011/05/20/136463363/forgiving-her-sons-killer-not-an-easy-thinghttp://">article about a woman</a> who not only forgave her child's murderer, but has unofficially adopted him, living next door, after his release from prison. She is a unique and laudable example of a true "Peace Maker" who demonstrates the highest ideal of humanity's capacity to love unconditionally.

As for my friend who cut me out of her life, I still dream of her on an almost nightly basis. Most nights are the same. I reach towards her in love, cautiously at first, waiting till I feel an openness. Then it happens, our hearts soften, and a divine energy surrounds us, as we remember how much we love one another. An air of forgiveness rushes in and our vibration lifts. The world fills with light as we do. Upon awakening, I recognize that while our relationship is estranged in the physical world, I am working in my inner realm to love her no matter what, even as that love is not reciprocated. And in loving her unconditionally, I find that I am learning to love myself more.

Meditation Is Making Love with Your Own Soul

My crown is tingling.  My heart is bursting with love.  My feet are vibrating, aching to walk on the fabric of the earth, to share this love that has overtaken me.  The sun is caressing my third eye.  My breathing is slow, connected and full.  I am grateful to be alive and in form.

Lord Shiva having himself a nice morning meditation

I have just spent 25 minutes meditating and chanting.  The world looks and feels completely different than it did before my meditation.

Except for the rare occasion when I awaken from a lucid dream (what I call a “God dream”), I don’t usually awaken with gratitude.  I usually find myself feeling more a sense of uneasiness as I begin thinking about all the things “I should do” today.  I seem to land in the collective mainstream of consciousness where I feel pulled to do, rather than to be.  Thank LOVE I have the awareness that I am not the anxiousness that I feel in these moments.  I know this because I have experienced the shift in my state of consciousness immediately after I meditate.   Before my meditation this morning I was perceiving reality through the lens of my personality/ego.   Now I am perceiving through heart-centered awareness.  I am here in this moment – and it feels wonderful!

Do you intend to keep a meditation practice, but find yourself avoiding it? As long as you see meditation and mantra practice as a “should”, your personality will find a multitude of ways to avoid it.  Instead, long for it deeply, with passion. Long for it as you would long to merge with your beloved.  You don’t have challenges finding the desire to hold, kiss and cocoon with your beloved, do you?  Probably not.  And yet, all the love and desire you have for your lover is you.  It is your love.  It is your own personal powerhouse of energy, radiating from the core of your soul.  There is nothing more intoxicating and nourishing than to open yourself and receive this love from your own soul.  When you begin to choose and move from this knowing, sitting down to meditate will shape-shift from a mental discipline into an ecstatic re-union of your internal lover and its be-loved.

Yes – meditation is making love with your own soul.

Lama Humour

Yes, of course the Dalai Lama gets on here. My favourite image is of the Dalai Lama chortling away at some private joke. He epitomizes smiling truth. Don't teach with dry dogma, laugh your way to nirvana. And you don't have to be a Buddhist to chuckle (see atheism or Judaism). Haha Yoga is alive and doing well. Life isn't all smiles, and even lamas are human. It is so easy to drift away from laughter. But lighten up people - laugh at yourself more often and give away smiles to strangers on the street. Some humour can be earthy. Some can be sublime. All is good. But dry wit is priceless.

A man in a movie theatre notices what looks like a llama sitting next to him. "Are you a llama?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The llama replied, "Well, I liked the book." 

Sentinels of the Forest

Trees eat fish to provide oxygen to every lung on this planet. During the fall, salmon rush upstream in huge numbers. Bears love this fish buffet - they swat a handful out of mountain streams, carry them up into the forest, and gorge themselves on the tasty fish heads, scattering headless salmon all over the forest floor. Over time, the decaying salmon seep into the soil, enriching, giving the tree roots new energy for branching out into the sky, sending transmuted fish souls into swirling mists.

As guardians of the wilds, these ancient sentinels stand rooted in the earth yet reach for the heavens. They are conduits between air and earth. 

Cultural Perspectives
 

Basil Brave Heart, a Lakota Medicine Man, has been noted as revering trees as examples of strength that comes not just from what is seen, but most importantly from what is unseen. Saying that the roots are what supports and feeds the tree, and sometimes those are tiny roots supporting a huge tree! Through this example he gives us a wonderful metaphor for how quick we are to believe what we see in front of us to be the strongest, or the most important. However, without that supporting structure, the tree would not have grown into this magnificent structure. Its very life force depends upon the humbleness of its roots. 


Over and over again trees are found to be in the center of very sacred practices. I think of the Yew Trees that line the paths of Glastonbury's Chalice Well; the trees of Costa Rica where they have ancient beliefs of burying their dead between high roots of the trees base will help lift the spirit to heaven; the oak trees for druid festivals; the cottonwood trees for the Lakota Sundance ceremony; the Christmas tree to help remind us of the reason for the season in Christian belief. Yet caution should be exercised in discerning between worship of a tree and the tree being a symbol within a ritual.

The Lakota have the Sundance Ceremony that is very powerful, very sacred and in the center stage is the tall cottonwood tree. The tree there is forked to represent a man with his arms stretched up to heaven. Called the standing ones, trees are very sacred to native Lakota so the one who offers its life to be part if the most scared if ceremonies is especially revered, which is quite different than worshiping the tree itself. To know that the tree is a living being and it gave its life to be part of the ceremony is very humbling and as such the tree is honored, but it is not a 'tree worship' ceremony. The tree cutting at that time is a ceremony in itself and is very humbling.

What do trees say to you?

Think back about a particular tree that called to you. This does not make you strange or meant to label you as weird or different. Even people who do not consider themselves as being particularly spiritual will recall a particular tree that made them stop even for a moment to admire its shape and form for a while. 

Without trees the world would be a very different place, not just on a scientific level, but on a spiritual level as well. They provide shelter, food, protection, oxygen and provide an essential resource to our very planet. Lovers have met beneath romantic moss draped branches and the lonely have felt their support against their backs and many a poet, philosopher and physicist have been inspired by them.

My personal favorite book about a tree that represents unconditional love is "the Giving Tree"

“Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.”
― Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree

What tree In Spires you?

authors: Rhonda, Michael

In Search of Peace

It's March of 2010 and I'm on a hike which is part of the Appalachian Trail in my birth place of Tennessee. The day is quite warm and I'm enjoying the day with my sister whom I do not have an opportunity to spend time with very often. This particular visit was one that I will always remember for many reasons.

We hiked up to the The Iron Furnace in Cumberland Gap, a place where we grew up and knew well, but like many locals, we never took in the 'tourist attractions' of our own back yard. So this was a return to our childhood in many respects. She and I have long since moved on from that beautiful piece of wilderness. This adventure brought up many events of our childhood that we talked about, many of which were not very happy ones, but it was good to sort out our deeply felt emotions with one another. Having a kindred spirit to share with is wonderful, but to share troubling times with the one person who lived through those turbulent times with you is a great blessings and very healing.

It was on the way back down the mountain side where we noticed the butterflies. These beautiful monarchs were circling about an area of the path and I was inclined to sit down and enjoy that moment.

A few tourist passing through were perplexed by my sister and I just sitting there. I recall one couple inquiring what we were doing and didn't seem at all impressed by the butterflies. But what a magical moment that was! And I'm so happy to have had that moment and others that day to draw upon for what happened next.

For reasons I will not go into here, my sister and I never had a relationship with our father. So when we received the call that day that he was in the hospital we were very torn. What were the odds that he would be so ill on the one day that she and I would be in town where he lived; she from Michigan and I from Colorado? After prayerful consideration, we decided that we should go and see him and it was as we expected with the drama and chaos of simply trying to sneak past security to visit with him for even a moment.

Finally in his hospital room, alone for just a moment before being told to leave, I saw him for who he was. A man in search of Peace. His life tormented by his choices in life and torn between what he felt he could not change to the point where it had taken his very life. All of the personal trauma I had allowed into my heart melted for a moment and I was able to take his hand and forgive him. Giving him assurance that nothing mattered anymore now, and that it all worked out the way it was suppose to work out. To help him find a bit of peace for what he and I both knew would be the last time I would see him alive. His smile, though weak and weary, gave me a sense of peace that he knew what I was trying to tell him. The miracle that I did not expect was that in finding forgiveness in my heart and offering him the peace from knowing I forgave him, I was given a sense of peace myself. 

The interesting thing, to me, about Peace, is that it is so easy to forget that it is around us at all times. Taking those precious moments to acknowledge the moments of peace is quintessential to our very existence. That whole day, up to that moment, had so many opportunities to drink in peace that sustained me through that one very difficult moment. Getting lost on those back roads of Tennessee, stopping to take pictures of barns loaded with tobacco hanging from their rafters. The sound of the waterfalls and song birds in the countryside, and warm sunshine on a day perfect for a roadside picnic.

So many people I know, including myself, are searching for peace and it really is not that difficult to find once you know where it dwells. Sometimes the presence of peace is overshadowed by what I refer to as the voices of spiritual warfare. For you see there is nothing more irritating to the dark side than for us to be at peace. Therefore, it is the intention of unseen forces to distract us from what is good in our lives right here, right now! Its those moments where we are reminded of something in our lives which went sour and then we spiral downward from there. And in the midst of these thoughts, we have perhaps overlooked a rainbow off in the distant horizon, the laughter of children, the smell of fresh baked bread, a puppy tripping over its ears while chasing a boy in the park.

The next time you hear thoughts rattle your brain which make you unsettled about something (say its a person who has done something you found offensive or feels like a personal attack), try this simple meditation:

1. Stop those thoughts immediately by shifting your attention to the people in your life who are with you on your journey that love and care for you unconditionally. You see, replacing those unpleasant or offensive thoughts with those of positive and affirming thoughts is the first step to cleansing. Once you have cleansed those distressing thoughts from your heart, then you will feel peace wash over you.

2. Say a quick prayer for the offending person for peace to come to them. For we should always remember to receive a gift as precious as peace we must be readily willing to give back that peace to others. This is called grace.

Remember to put all thoughts into proper perspective. Stumping your toe when getting out of bed in the morning is not a sign that its going to be a bad day! It simply is a way of the universe getting our attention. So its our choice whether we should give attention to the darkness in our hearts, or to kindle the flame of the light and let it SHINE!

I know now that true forgiveness and compassion are the ultimate source for peace. Furthermore, we must find forgiveness in our hearts for ourselves! That, my friends, is sometimes the most difficult task of all.

My father died just shy of 2 years from that visit and it was indeed the last time I saw him alive. His birthday was yesterday, January 6th, and it brought me much peace to know that I had that last moment with him to offer him forgiveness and allow him to be at peace in regards to our relationship. For me this was a moment of divine opportunity and I am very humbled to have been given this time with him of closure. 

I hope sharing this with those who have hearts to hear will bring about a blessing. And I wish that I could say this technique was my idea, but indeed it came from my 11 year old son, who seems like nothing ever gets under his skin. One day I asked him how he does this, and can he teach me what he knows. He shrugged and said "Its simple, really, I just think of three things that make me happy." His simple approach that he drew from his own heart at such a tender age brought a smile to my face and I hope it will to you as well.

Peace be with you now and forever.

 author note: all photographs in this article are taken by the author at the time of the spoken event and may be used freely by others.